Its a...OUTIE!

4-27-07
Well we are half way through the pregnancy and all is well. Annie can eat almost anything and does, like last night. We went to the ball game and she ate half a bag of kettle corn popcorn. It was a really big bag, I have no photo proof of this so I’m sure she will dispute it. Now that Annie is bigger bellied (BB) she needs to actually wear gulp maternity wear. Yesterday as I opened the mailbox I was delighted to see that included in the junk mail was a clothing catalog called Mother Wear. Annie threw it away before I could fully explore the BB wear inside. From what I saw most BB women are on docks by the bay and always seem to be looking into the distance. This is most likely because they are thinking about the future.
One of the most exciting things about Annie and her BB status is that she might, just might grow an outie belly button. We can only hope. I’ve been doing a bit of outie research to find out the cost and social benefits of having an outie.
According to Herodotus the first true outie was recorded in the 5th century. Herodotus writes that “Now it happened that this Candaules was in love with his own wife; and not only so, but thought her the fairest woman in the whole world including her gorgeous outie belly button. This fancy had strange consequences. There was in his bodyguard a man whom he specially favoured, Gyges, the son of Dascylus he with the hairy testicles. All affairs of greatest moment were entrusted by Candaules to this person, and to him he was wont to extol the surpassing beauty of his wife. So matters went on for a while. At length, one day, Candaules, who was fated to end ill, thus addressed his follower: "I see thou dost not credit what I tell thee of my lady's gorgeous outie belly button; but come now, since men's ears are less credulous than their eyes, contrive some means whereby thou mayst behold her gorgeous outie belly button." At this the other loudly exclaimed, saying, "What most unwise speech is this, master, which thou hast uttered? Wouldst thou have me behold my mistress when she is showing her gorgeous outie belly button? Bethink thee that a woman, with her clothes, puts off her bashfulness. Our fathers, in time past, distinguished right and wrong plainly enough, and it is our wisdom to submit to be taught by them. There is an old saying, 'Let each look on his own gorgeous outie belly button.' I hold thy wife for the fairest of all womankind. Only, I beseech thee, ask me not to do wickedly and gaze upon her gorgeous outie belly button."
Herodotus goes on to write that though the outie was know it was not the social norm. He also makes a brief reference to Cleopatra's voluptuous outie.
The next pertinent reference to the outie is that of Henry the 5ths. The well know belly historian Semus McMustus writes in his 1957 treaties The Belly Button and Society that “…Henry had an outie that would end arguments and start them. “ He goes on to note that he had “…no less than 27 belly button cleaners and 4 belly button artist to document the protrusion which he had names Otis.” I find this case to be of most interest because of the fact that Henry was a leader of men and women and the children of these men and women. To command the legions of Italy and have such an outie or if you will permit me to use the formal Otis in reference to his belly button. Then later the French write often of the outie which they refer to in their casual snobbish way Le Belly Boootton.

The outie next “pops up” in popular culture and firmly entrenches itself in our hearts when in Winnie the Pooh episode 234 Thy Name is Winnie , Winnie is seen to sport a firm yet dapper outie. This is most likely in response to the 1941 Trenton World Fair. Winnies outie is not without its controversy, many skeptics think that the outie is being mistaken for a small erection. They hold up as evidence what Winnie does with his outie to Eeyore in episode 237 Eeyore drops the soap. I imagine that this debate will continue, you be the judge.


So as you can see we would be blessed if Annie can achieve outie status. More to come.